One Sam short of a full ARVO

FROM THE VAULT: February 27, 2015

This is now the third leaving the company ARVO we’ve written for Sam. 

The first time she left because we were woefully dis-Lorna-ized and couldn’t get our shit together.

The second time she left because she got knocked up.

This third time she’s leaving because…well…there’s nothing left for her to accomplish. We’ve reached the top of the mountain, FutureBrand. People are doing their time sheets. Global doesn’t meddle in our affairs or force no-win projects on us. The Pitney team is doing well in group therapy. We’ve made it three weeks without any attempts on Lloyd’s life. And resourcing requests are addressed quickly and decisively.

Like a pint-sized Mary Poppins, Sam floated into our office under a tiny cocktail umbrella five years ago. What she found must’ve shocked her. We were a great training ground for her eventual motherhood. She corralled us (especially James) and kept us from walking into traffic. She wiped poop from our bums after bungled client meetings and puke from our chins after a late night out following said bungled client meeting. She spoke to us slowly and clearly, over-annunciating ev–er–y word. And she set the template for getting Mark’s attention that every other account person has used since:

Mark.
Mark!
MARK!
MARK!!
MAAAAAAA-RRRRRRRRRRRR-KKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fellow FutureBranders, we have clearance from none other than Holmfridur to knock off early and head to Pig ’n Whistle across the street at 5pm. Yes..5pm! There we will raise Sam’s jersey to the rafters…again. And toast to the hopes that maybe just maybe someday we’ll have the chance to write a fourth leaving the company ARVO for Sam.