The flowing locks of ARVO
FROM THE VAULT: September 7, 2012
Present company excluded, FutureBrand North America – collectively and individually – has a damn fine head of hair. We have short hair, long hair, curly hair, wacky hair. Some are parted on the side, others down the middle or pulled up into a Princess Leia bun. In an agency and industry centered around identity, hair stands out as our personal logos. Hood ornaments. And flags flown proudly atop our heads. Expressive. Emotive. And always, character defining…
Mark and Doug sport spiky, edgy, gelled-up do's befitting man-about-town creative directors
Sven's dignified silver fox locks express both youthful exuberance and European sophistication
You can set your watch to or sharpen a knife on Nick's Johnny Unitas brush cut
Scott's winged-back mane comes with a terry cloth robe and an invite to the nearest hot tub
Don’t you dare touch Beth's dark tresses, compliment or say hello to them because they don't want to be here and they hate ev-er-y-bod-y
Jim, Quae and Josh have enough hair to feed and clothe a small village of bald-headed proposal writers and still not need sunblock
Malozzi's permanent five o'clock shadow says pizza guy, playboy or shoe-bomber extremist
James’ coif is like prog-rock guitar lick: slick-fingered scale lead one second, wah-WAH wild and wonky the next
Holmfridur's hair washes, combs and cuts itself. It can drive a stick, holds two master's degrees and is the leading scorer for Iceland's FIFA World Cup team
But, if it were brought to a vote…if at an upcoming Future Friday we were to hold a secret ballot or show of hands for best-in-show head of hair…in a landslide runaway victory the one and definitely only R. Marcus Bartlett would win more lopsided than a Kennedy in Massachusetts. Part peacock, all porn star, Marcus' carefully considered and perfectly executed coif struts the corridors of FutureBrand like a young John Travolta. Dude, his hair coos to swooning women everywhere, I am here. And I…am…perfection. When most people use the standard shampoo and conditioner combo, Marcus only feeds his hair organic, grass-fed steak. A team of stylists follow him about for on-the-spot touchups and split-end catastrophes. Row A keeps an emergency supply of anti-humidity spritz for the summer months, and many a mink have sacrificed their first born to ensure Marcus's hair maintains an even, consistent sheen. While it is rumored that Marcus has a cloned donor on standby in Switzerland should any signs of thinning appear, we do know Marcus' hair recently received its own star in Hollywood and is often stopped by autograph-seeking Japanese tourists.
But Marcus…and the rest of you for that matter…better keep one eye over your shoulder and the other laser-pointed in the your bathroom sink. Because there aren't enough single-ply tissues in the bathroom to sop up your tears when the crops starts to, ahem, whither in the cold fall and winter months of your lives. Without his leading actor locks, Marcus would give up all hope and refinement. Tailored shirts and $800 shoes would soon be swapped for sweat pants, velcro-ed Nikes and a fanny pack. Noooooooooooo! Marcus would shriek. Come back! Come back! Come baaaaack!
Since not everyone can pull off the bald, fat, stained shirt sexy look, tonight fellow FutureBranders, we will hold a candlelight vigil in Marcus' hair's honor to ensure this national treasure remains thick and true. Originally we were planning on checking out the new Ainsworth bar on 18th. But in a show of solidarity, we're boycotting because Malozzi, in all his t-shirt and Yankee-hatted glory, was denied entrance last night. So once again, it's off to Wildwood, 6pm sharp, unless Beth can come up with a better place.
We will also toast to our newest FutureBranders: Executive Creative Director Doug Sellers and Stephanie McMahon, who after starting as a summer intern, is now officially an official FutureBrander, joining Holmfridur's crew as an Associate Account Manager.