Go, go, go Shorty, it's your last day. We gonna ARVO like it's your last day.

FROM THE VAULT: August 24, 2016

Ana Gannod stood nine feet tall on her first day at FutureBrand. She was whisper quiet, too. Demure. Some might even say soft-spoken.

Four years later she’s the reigning all-agency limbo champ without barely bending over. And the wall of Marshall amps at a Metallic concert wedged behind her vocal cords is permanently dialed up to 11.

So what wore fair Ana down to a pencil-sized nub? What turned her into a twirling tsunami of neck vein popping, perma-spiral spouting?

Was it her client roster? From Dow to Exelon and Elanco to Lafarge and CH2M, a who’s who wet dream of heavy industrial and chemical manufacturers in exotic locations across America’s Rust Belt?

Was it the move to midtown? Next question, please.

Was it a hatred of acronyms?

Was it on strict doctor’s orders? 

Ultimatums from her family? 

The clarity that comes from withdrawing from a heavy narcotics addiction? Or the cotton candy calm that comes with starting a heavy narcotics addiction?

Was it the fact that she’s out of fucks to give?

Or was it that, deep down inside, Ana’s just a sweet, sensitive soul who feels terrible about yelling at the designers. And production team. And strategists. And writers. And fellow account members. And the executive team. All 573 of them.

Fellow FutureBranders, today we sadly retire another OG’s jersey to the rafters. What we’ll save in Advil costs we’ll definitely lose in someone who was absolutely incredible at her job. And giving us all a polite little tap on the shoulder and whisper in the ear when we were slacking at our own. 

Please join us at 6pm Hudson Malone. Brian Shu isn’t here, so it’s champagne and caviar all night long. Just be sure to bill it to the Vizient client.