The Sung will come out, tomARVO
FROM THE VAULT: July 13, 2018
Sung is one classy broad. Besides being the Korean Mother Hen to Joo, Joo and Ju, Sung has easily been the office’s best-dressed employee for over eight years – which at FutureBrand, isn’t saying much. While the rest of us wear jeans, pit-stained t-shirts and shoes that never were in style, Sung breezes in every morning wearing outfits that are (a) clean, (b) pressed, (c) in fashion and (d) not puked on.
Only Mark at 10 years, Scott Williams at 12 years and Tom Li at 87 years have been at FutureBrand longer than Sung. But unlike that pin-up crew of beefcake, Sung looks the same, if not better than when she first started. Which is amazing when you think of the projects she’s worked on: American Airlines, Axalta, Time Warner, Cadillac, Time Warner, Hard Rock, the NFL, Time Warner, Tupperware, Sentry and Time Warner. Sure she’s had a couple of heart procedures over the years, and can regularly be heard screaming into her pillow late at night. But when the sun comes up and that big rig, diesel-powered CAD desktop of hers rumbles to life, Sung’s always had a smile on her face and matching heels on her feet.
Sung was one of the first people I met when I joined FutureBrand. Wow, I thought to myself on the March morning six years ago. FutureBrand really has its shit together. I better up my wardrobe game. Then I met Mark. And Malozzi. And Lloyd. And Kris Pelletier, crammed into a Detective Sipowicz short-sleeve, seersucker shorts and shoes with no socks.
“You know she hates you, right?” That was my introduction to Beth, arms crossed, pointing towards Sung.
“Sung hates me?” I said. “But I just met her.”
“Yeah, she hates you.” Beth replied. “That’s the thing about Sung, you think she likes you, but she actually hates you. I respect that."
"Me, I don’t discriminate,” Beth added. "I hate everybody. E-V-E-R-Y BAH-DEE.”
For years I was terrified of her. Sung I mean, not Beth. Well actually both of them. Especially Beth. I was told Sung carried knives and was taking kickboxing classes. On weekends she disappeared to her secret lair upstate where she kept a cache of guns and belonged to a local militia group. On Monday mornings, Sung smiled and asked how my weekend was.
“Fine! It was fine! Fine, fine, fine! Please don’t hurt me!”
Four years later, deep into an ARVO Friday night, Beth came up to me and said: “You know I was fucking with you, right? Sung doesn’t hate you. I don’t know if she actually likes you, but she doesn’t hate you. But don’t mess with her. Or she will kill you.” To our knowledge, Sung made it an entire eight years without amassing a hefty body count. But somebody better check the Shhhhh Romm tonight before she leaves for the last time.
Fellow FutureBranders, put your hands together and raise your glasses high. Tonight we retire another all-time FutureBrand great’s jersey (or in Sung’s case, Armani suit) to the rafters. For one week at least, leave your doilies and your Earl Grey at home. This ain’t no Friday afternoon tea party. The company’s generously springing for a good ole fashioned out-of-the office ARVO at Hudson Malone. $500 cap y’all, and no food. Please spend it all on alcohol. Or as they say at the North Pole, Merry Christmas!
And please keep Beth away from the Jameson. After a few pops, she tends to get a bit salty.